Sometimes I have these lifeless, grey days where I feel stuck. There is this feeling of inertia and being trapped that comes with them. It is as if I am in a steel plated elevator. There is a sudden jolt, the sound of scraping metal and an abrupt halt. I am stuck there with my thoughts for a while, an extended moment, longer than I am comfortable with, wondering when exactly things will start moving in my favour again. Have you ever felt like that? I know I do from time to time. These incidences are becoming a frequent occurrence lately. I don’t know why. I suppose I could probe and prod at myself a bit more. I think it all comes down to worry and whether I want to assign myself to certain things wholeheartedly or if I feel them to be exercises in futility and whether I allow myself to give things meaning and pursue them, or just sit and dwell in my perceived inadequacies. I have days sometimes where nothing seems to matter. I think we all do from time to time and that’s okay. We are fallible beings. That’s what makes us human. We can have days where we falter. As long as we strive for something more, and make those small steps towards it, where we can, that’s all that matters. These are some of the things I do to keep going and how exactly I stay motivated.

I try to avoid watching what other people are doing and ruminating on their accomplishments and my shortcomings. Just because someone is succeeding in their life it doesn’t mean they are taking anything away from you. It is easy to say that but in practice this ambivalence towards others is hard to apply because well… we are nosy aren’t we?! Not in a bad way. It’s just nice every now and then to check in with people and see how their life is going, what they are up to, whether they have whatever it is they are working towards, or even if they are just simply happy. Social media isn’t a place for sob stories, so we are always met with the same glossy images of sonograms, smiling couples and the compulsory staged photograph taken before a night out. We look at the things people put up and we search for a glimpse of humanity but we rarely see anything but a carefully thought out, watered down version of it, if even that. We want validation. We crave a indication that we are doing okay and that we’re not as far behind others as we thought. We sit in front of our blue-lit screens, our hair a disheveled bird’s nests with acne marring our jawlines,  (*when I saw we I really mean me) only to see them at their best and it messes with our heads. All we have, is what is put in front of us to be seen. We do have a choice though on whether or not we spend our time wondering about other people and momentarily taking our eye off the prize or ploughing forward in blissful ignorance. I chose the latter to be frank. Unfollow anyone who makes you feel inadequate. It is your problem to fix but looking at hyper-inflated images that others place online, solely to be looked at and validated, will only fuel the delusions you have regarding yourself and your progress.

I am happiest when I am operating within a routine. I assume one begrudgingly but once I do I reap the benefits. I think it’s important to have a time for everything. It’s good to have a reasonable bedtime and wake early. It’s very easy to sleep past midday but any enjoyment you gain from doing that is fleeting and you are left you with that sick, sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. It is the guilt you inevitably get from wasting half a day.

I find for many people, myself included my time only means something if it is assigned to other people out of necessity or feelings of obligation. It saddens me sometimes how frivolous we can be with our time when it is just ours and no one else’s. It is important to rest, but do something that makes you feel deserving of the small luxuries you bestow on yourself. If they become a default response they lose a lot of potency and meaning. Jot down what your day looks like as it stands currently, and find the time for the things you love doing or what you know you should be doing, which means including those little passion projects, working out, planning out meals for the week, reading etc. Make your time so that it has meaning for you, even in those small moments.

I think it is important to know in very clear and explicit terms what you are striving towards and keeping that all important big picture in the forefront of your mind. No one gets excited over the small day to day stuff, like eating a salad or going for a walk, or reaching their word count for the day, (maybe I do on the last one) but the little things need to be attended to before we have the body we want or a paperback with our name etched onto it. The feeling we get when think about our ultimate end goal give us a thrill that fuels us in the beginning, but if we don’t neatly pave out the way, not just with good intentions but with thoroughly thought-out actions we will never inch toward progress. We will become disillusioned and stop. We must never stop.

It is also necessary to surround yourself with people who champion you. We have all encountered people in our lives who have allowed their own cynicism and shortcomings to taint their interactions with you and others. They seem to spew negativity for a living and they are just exhausting to be around. I make a conscious, very deliberate effort each day to avoid them. A little jab of criticism every now and then can spur you on, but if it becomes a regular or god forbid daily occurrence just separate yourself from them. Talk to people regularly who are fans of your work or what you do and who wholeheartedly believe in what you are trying to do, or maybe share in your aspirations. If you come to me with an open heart I will never have a bad thing to say. I will always try to help when I can. We need to root for each other more. We are not all in competition. We all want different things. The big, important things we are all striving for like love, stability and happiness can’t be competed for but we can help one another in those small ways that might mean something, some day.